I hate the skydome and the CN tower too,
I hate Nathan Phillip's square and the Ontario Zoo,
The rent's too high, the air's unclean,
The beaches are dirty and the people are mean,
And the women are big and the men are dumb,
And the children are loopy cuz they live in a slum!
The water is polluted and their mayor's a dork,
They dress real bad and they think they're New York,
In Toronto, Ontario-o-o

-Ya know actually I, I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario-
(Oh yeah, me too!)
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa, Kitchener, Windsor and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck and Sarnia sucks and Turkey point sucks

I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulruney,
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree,
I went to see the Maple-Leafs and got hit in the head with a puck,
(Ah, I-I don't evenknow how they did it really, I mean I was playing the organ at the time!)
ONTARIO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O SUCKS,

Yep, actually now that I think about it,
I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country,
Oh yeah-except Alberta! Oh yeah, I love Alberta, Yeah it's really nice, lots of cows, and trees, and rocks and dirt!
(moo moo moo)

But,
I hate Newfoundland cuz they talk so wierd, and Prince Edward Island is-Too Small,
Nova Scotia's dumb cuz it's the name of a bank, New Bruinswick doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad, Ontario Sucks, Ontario Sucks!
(Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre,
Isn't that stupid!)
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old,
And as for the territories,( they're too cold!)
And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that
it's right next to us,
Cuz Alberta, doesn't suck, but Calgary doesssssss!